Did you see the acceptance speech of Niecy Nash-Betts?
Maybe you saw this as her speech went massively viral. But if not, quick backstory: Niecy has been nominated five times in over four decades of working her craft as an actor. She was passed up four times and finally won an Emmy a few weeks ago! I feel her speech could win her another Emmy nomination. It was everything we all need to hear. Niecy goes on stage and begins by thanking the Divine, her coworkers, family, and then she says this:
“And you know who else I want to thank? Me!”
She goes on to say, “I’m a winner, baby! I wanna thank ME. For believing in me and doing what they said I could not do. And I want to say to myself in front of all of you beautiful people---
“Go girl, with your bad self, you did that! I accept this award on behalf of every black and brown woman who has gone unheard, yet overpoliced.” She finishes by saying, “As an artist, my job is to speak truth to power and baby, I’m gonna do it ‘til the day I die!”
It woke me up to a meh phase a few weeks ago. It began with hearing about a family member of mine celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. As truly happy as I was for them, I began going down that rabbit hole of what a loser in love I was. Of not being enough. Not having “that” partner. Basically, of comparing myself to someone's journey that wasn't mine. Happy for them, but that is not what I aspire to, but it's so easy to get sucked up in the societal norms of our times and comparing ourselves to others. I thought of all of you out there doing it all yourselves. The women and men I have talked to like myself that are raising kids singly, the woman I know going through cancer and her husband had left her. The many parents dealing with estrangement or the death of a partner, facing a diagnosis alone, and the list goes on...
And then, after seeing this, I thought, WAIT A MINUTE!!!
What do I need to thank myself for? Maybe we proclaim a 'singlesversary'...That maybe all those shitty and needed attempts at our own personal best were all being overlooked and not congratulated by ourselves? That the day in and day out grind of our lives is the most beautiful testament to our soul? That simply showing up and doing what needs to be done is tempting fate daily, and is as brave and daring as it gets.
That outgrowing that old bullshit sob story, you know the one, whether it’s about relationships or lack thereof, too many jobs that uninspired you, medications not working, moves that didn’t work out and more.. Of getting up and dragging yourself out of bed, often with kids in tow, saying it will be better today.
The silent work of one foot in front of the other. Of keep on keeping on when no one gives you an Emmy, a card of congrats, or even a thank you.
Niecy reminded me of being gentle with ourselves. That we ARE good enough. And brave enough.
So, I encourage you to watch her acceptance speech (you can find it on YouTube) and I encourage you to Thank Yourself. Thank yourself on how far you’ve come instead of what hasn’t happened yet or maybe never will, especially if you're doing it all yourself.
Write that acceptance speech out. Because while you do that, I guarantee you will be writing a new story. The one where you are in that bad ass dress accepting your lifetime achievement award. Write it. Speak it in the mirror to yourself with no one around and congratulate yourself that you did it, whatever 'that' is to you.
You’re a winner, baby,
Nancy + Team Sweet Bird